I will not be coy and alluringly mysterious about my age. Tomorrow, I will be 24, closing in on the quarter century timeline with as much enthusiasm as a DMV clerk. Not trying to be an apathetic dingbat, just that 24 is a transition age. It’s not a benchmark and therefore should be treated as a legitimate excuse to wine, dine, and socialize only with the people who will do the aforementioned activities with me.
Remember when you used to make a birthday list? Growing up, there were these colorful, bounded collections of paper known as catalogs that featured everything in a store you could buy. With pen and dollar signs in my eyes, I feverishly circled the the perfect gifts for me and handed it to my mom in hopes that at least one thing would be deemed acceptable for a birthday gift. I think the paper and pen operation has gone away to emailing links and making a Pinterest board. Or just sayin’ it right out loud, I’m not sure. Either way, here are a few things that I’d like for my birthday:
1. Real shorts, not crotch headbands. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HIGH WAISTED TREND?!?!? Calm. Down. Yes, I know it’s out there, but so are fanny packs. Some people can rock them, some can’t. I for one favor the trend but can’t feasibly carry out my day-to-day activities wearing them. The past few hero’s quest to find the perfect length shorts has left me empty handed. And don’t you dare recommend bermuda shorts. Why, why, WHY is it so hard to find a good pair of shorts? Someone help me.
2. A dishwasher. I don’t have one. It sucks.
3. #GIRLBOSS Move over, Anna Wintour. Sophia Amoruso is the maven behind Nasty Gal, the ultimate example of the millenial HBIC. Her book, now a New York Times Bestseller, is a personal look at how she went “from thief to chief,” advice for creating and launching your own ventures, and tips on being badass at pretty much everything business.
4. Two-tone sandals. Because I am lazy at purchasing staples, the idea of shelling out cash for a perfect pair of black and tan kickers seems drab. Alas, they would be the perfect addition to my closet. Leave it to Chloe to produce the simplest and most beautiful pair.
5. Lykke Li ‘I Never Learn.’ With a title we can all relate to our love lives, Lykke Li sweeps up the pieces of a broken relationship and turns it into something beautiful.
There you have it. I don’t ask for much. No crotch skimmers, a machine that will do my dishes for me, two-tone sandals and a book. Not too bad, right?